January – New Year’s Resolutions- Aka Bullshit We Tell Ourselves

It’s a new dawn, It’s a new day, It’s a new life” Nina Simone ‘Feeling Good’


Let’s be frank-that is complete and total bullshit. Everything about New Year’s is bullshit. Well, let me rephrase that.

The New Year is in the middle of winter for a very particular reason. It’s a holdover from the winter solstice, which only random people celebrate today. Pretty much the lack of sunlight and tasty food (I love root vegetables and citrus fruits but COME ON!) makes you so desperate for change that you’ll swear to the Gods you will be a better person if only for a peach. Our traditions and celebrations have changed but the New Year remained in the winter due to the spirit of things.

The real thing about celebrating the New Year that’s completely bullshit is New Year’s resolutions. Let’s be frank people-you’re not going to change a damn thing about your life. Some people do and they’re the exception to the rule but when it comes down to it you will always crave red meat and you will never lose that extra 10 pounds you’ve carried for the past 20 years.

The dating resolutions are the ones that really kill me. “I’m going to find an intelligent man who loves me so much he can’t live without me”. And I am going to find a fucking unicorn under my couch. Dating New Year’s Resolutions are the Christmas Lists for single adults. You write this list down of all the nice shiny things that you want and try to behave so you’re likely to get what you want. In the long run, you completely forget about your declaration to be the best human being possible and instead wind up with something you didn’t really want but you figure will do for now.

I remember when I was young and naïve and thought that you could easily change your world and things would get better. I packed up my meager belongings and moved to New York thinking “I’ll move and in this new place I will find exciting new people and men who are really different than before”. I wound up swapping assholes for assholes with an accent and realizing that a Southern accent will only cause confusion. I thought as I grew older maybe I would meet a few mature sophisticated urban men. A few years in New York meant I had a garbled accent, I pronounced my name differently, and my dating life still reflected my inability to spot a man who understood the meaning of “faithful”.

It took me four years to realize that nothing changes with time or location except your age and your perspective of your hometown. Don’t waste a year thinking that your resolution will revolutionize your life and the man of your dreams will magically appear. Waste your year having the best time of your life adding an additional 10 pounds to your figure.

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